Is Learning to Love Myself Supposed to Be This Hard?
Why is learning to love myself so hard?
When I was going through a life debilitating divorce, I did what so many of us do during a challenging life event—I searched endlessly for answers to save me from this crippling pain. I devoured self-help books, tried countless healing methods, and cycled through everything from therapy to meditation.
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The options were abundantly overwhelming:
Talk therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), somatic therapy, frequency energy healing, cognitive behavioral therapy, shadow work, breathwork, reiki, hypnosis, —the list went on. I also experimented with practical techniques like journaling, meditation, affirmations, and self-care routines.
I was grateful for the variety of resources available, and some of these methods helped me in small ways. But despite my best efforts, I wasn’t truly happy. I remember a particular moment when I was journaling, exhausted from constantly questioning, "Why can’t I love myself?" Because we all just genuinely want to love ourselves, anyway.
The frustration was palpable—I had done all the inner work, read all the books, and yet, the love I craved still felt out of reach.
Deep down, I still felt like something was missing.
I kept asking myself:
Why can’t I love myself?
How do I learn to love myself and be confident?
Why is learning to love myself so hard?
Then it hit me.
The Realization That Changed Everything
I am unique.
You are unique.
There has never been, and never will be, another person exactly like me—or you.
So why was I (and we as a collective) forcing myself into cookie-cutter, step-by-step methods and frameworks that weren’t designed specifically for me? As much as I respect and admire all the spiritual gurus and coaches (Oprah, Mel Robbins, Jay Shetty, Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, and more) why was I relying on others to tell me how to love myself when they didn’t even know me?
That was the turning point. Instead of searching for a perfect formula, I began creating my own with the new belief that: This sacred self-discovery journey is about creating a process that works for me.
And that’s what I did. Through trial and error, I designed a process that actually worked for me—a method that honored my individuality instead of fighting against it.
Finding My Own Path to Self-Love
I stopped chasing the "right" way to heal and started asking different questions that pushed for self-alignment as I continued to study and research different methodologies and frameworks.
Questions such as:
What do I genuinely enjoy?
What brings me peace?
What makes me feel connected to myself?
Instead of following a rigid plan, I embraced curiosity. I explored different tools—not as solutions, but as experiments. Some worked, some didn’t. And that was okay.
Little by little, I began understanding myself in a way no self-help book ever could. I wasn’t following someone else’s roadmap—I was creating my own.
Essentially, I was creating a framework that was uniquely mine—one that honored how I process emotions, how I learn, how I perceive, how I struggle, how I respond, and how I grow. And guess what? Even if my approach resonates with others, I would never expect it to work for someone else exactly as it worked for me.
And that’s the key: everyone on this journey needs their own unique process.
Introducing the Self-Alignment Manual
After creating my own dynamic process, I decided to call it the Self-Alignment Manual.
Basically, it is a personalized guide designed by me, for me.
It helps me:
Understand what self-love truly means for me
Identify which healing methods work (and which don’t)
Build a framework tailored to my emotions, rhythms, and learning style
For example:
Meditation: Some people thrive with guided meditations, while others prefer silent reflection or movement-based mindfulness like walking meditation. What works for me and when?
Journaling: Free-writing? Prompts? Audio recordings? The best practice for you will shift depending on your emotional state. When I’m sad, I appreciate unstructured free-writing to release emotions. When I’m grieving, structured prompts help me process my feelings more gently. When I’m feeling stuck, audio journaling helped me bring clarity.
The key isn’t just doing these things–it’s understanding what works, when it works, and how to integrate it into your life in a way that feels natural to you.
Your needs change, and your self-love tools should adapt with you.
As Brené Brown says, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do” (The Gifts of Imperfection, an inspiring book about embracing vulnerability and imperfection that is worth checking out).
The goal isn’t to follow a set formula. It’s to discover what actually helps you learn to love yourself in a way that feels natural and sustainable.
How Coaching with Me is Different
The journey of learning to love myself has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. And if you’re on that journey too, know that every moment of self-reflection, every small act of kindness toward yourself, and every time you choose to see yourself with love—it all matters.
And doing it alone can be really challenging.
That’s why self-love coaching programs can be very helpful and most coaching programs hand you a method to follow. I don’t. Through extensive research, experience, and intuitive guidance, I help you co-create your own Self-Alignment Manual for self-love and confidence.
Here’s how:
After each session, you receive a chapter of your Self-Alignment Manual, based on what we uncover about your unique needs.
We refine and test different tools to see what truly works for you.
By the end, you have a completely customized guide that helps you navigate self-love, confidence, and growth—on your terms.
What Clients Are Saying
"The Self-Alignment Manual has been life-changing. I reference it constantly whenever I need guidance—it’s like having a personal coach with me at all times." — Sarah M.
"I’ve worked with many coaches, but nothing compares to this. It’s not just another self-help method—it’s a deeply personal and empowering guide tailored to me. If you want to learn how to love yourself and be confident, get yourself your own Self-Alignment Manual." — James L.
"For the first time, I feel like I have a tool that truly understands me. It’s not a generic framework—it’s my own personal blueprint for growth and self-love." — Emily R.
Self-Love is a Discovery Process
Self-love isn’t about forcing affirmations or sticking to rigid routines. It’s about self-discovery, trial and error, and self-compassion as you figure out what serves you and what doesn’t.
I guide my clients through this process, not by giving them a pre-made roadmap, but by helping them build their own. Because true self-love isn’t about fitting into someone else’s framework—it’s about creating one that lets you thrive.
My Transformation: From "I Don’t Love Myself" to Deep Self-Love
If you’ve ever struggled with thoughts like "I don’t love myself", know that you’re not alone. And also know—it doesn’t have to stay that way. Since my divorce, I’ve gone from saying "I don’t love myself" to feeling deeply, oh so deeply, in love with myself.
Today, I am happier, healthier, and more fulfilled than ever. Not because I followed someone else’s formula, but because I created my own.
If you’re ready to start your own self-love journey, I’d love to help. Book a free consultation call with me here and let’s build your personalized Self-Alignment Manual together.
Because learning to love yourself is not just possible—it’s inevitable when you create a system that works for you.
