The Romantic Date That Showed Me the Beauty of My Own Company (Free Solo Dating Guide Included)
Facing the Fear of Being Alone
I used to dread being alone. The thought of sitting quietly, without distractions like music, podcasts, or TV shows, genuinely terrified me. My anxiety wasn't about boredom—it was fear of what my own mind might reveal in that silence. The internal chatter amplified my deepest insecurities, especially the fear that I was unlovable, destined for perpetual heartache. (Sounds dramatic, but if you've ever spiraled into loneliness, you know exactly what I mean.)
Forced Into Solitude
In 2022, after a painful divorce, loneliness became my new reality. With no family support and only a handful of friends to lean on, solitude was unavoidable. Logically, I understood the importance of solitude after a breakup—this period is often recommended for reflection and growth. I found myself googling "what is a solo date" and exploring various self dating ideas, hoping something would ease the ache. Articles I read highlighted empowerment, renewed self-awareness (We are solo living), and personal accounts even described the joy from intentionally spending time alone. (Guardian).
Initially, however, solitude felt like death. (Again, dramatic. But real.) Thanks to a deeply rooted fear of abandonment (thanks, mom and dad), my brain interpreted being alone as an existential threat, plunging me into panic.
But the sobering truth was that this intense discomfort was exactly why I needed solitude—and why learning how to solo date intentionally would transform my relationship with myself.
[Going through heartbreak or a major life shift? You don’t have to navigate it alone. With personalized coaching (and a professional cheerleader by your side), I’ll help you rebuild confidence and reconnect with yourself. Let’s chat 1:1 to see if this is the right next step for you.]
[Disclaimer: This post contains links to products I believe to be useful to the reader, from which I may earn a small commission, at no extra cost to the reader]
My Turning Point - A Simple Solo Date
It was a Saturday afternoon. I had already completed a morning full of recommended "breakup recovery" tasks—meditation, journaling, tidying my apartment, repeating affirmations—basically, anything to avoid feeling terrified and alone while "finding myself within." (I'm only partly joking here.)
Next up was my usual solo walk. Truthfully, I didn't want to go. Hiding beneath the sheets felt far more appealing, but I knew the importance of taking myself out on solo dates, something countless articles recommended (like this article from Bumble). Begrudgingly, I tied my sneakers, grabbed my headphones, and prepared for yet another self-help podcast.
But then, on a whim, I switched things up. Instead of a podcast, I pressed play on a gentle, romantic playlist—with classics like "La Vie en Rose" by Louis Armstrong or "Moon River" by Audrey Hepburn. This tiny decision changed everything.
Suddenly, my walk (that I’ve done for months now) wasn't about counting steps or filling silence; it became leisurely and whimsical. I felt present, light, even a bit silly—giggling and in awe of details I had overlooked before. My thoughts were active but now curious and playful. I was genuinely strolling, breathing deeply, eyes wide open, experiencing the neighborhood anew.
By the time I returned home, I felt refreshed, energized, and eager to embrace the rest of my day. What made this walk different? Simple: I finally understood the true solo date meaning. It wasn’t just time spent alone—it was intentionally nurturing my relationship with myself.
Welcome to the Magic of Solo Dating
This experience sparked my curiosity about solo dating and its incredible potential for building a deeper relationship with oneself.
In this blog, we'll explore the magical world of solo dating—uncovering its purpose, diving into creative self dating ideas at home and beyond, and transforming solitude into something we genuinely cherish. Also, download your Free Solo Date Guideline with additional planning and reflecting suggestions after finishing this blog! :)
Understanding Solo Dates: What is a Solo Date?
As much as I love and appreciate the many articles out there explaining "what is a solo date," most of them miss the essential point:
A solo date is really about you courting you.
It’s not just doing activities alone—it's treating yourself exactly how you'd want to be treated on your dream date. You're making yourself the star of the show, the main act, and genuinely the most important person in your world, even if just for a few hours.
The Purpose of Solo Dates
The main purpose of a solo date is for you to genuinely get to know yourself and ultimately fall in love with who you are. Sure, most articles phrase this as “nurturing a positive relationship with yourself,” and yes, it includes self-care and self-discovery.
But in real talk, it's about becoming your own lover and discovering how delightful your own company can be.
Learning more about who you truly are (self-awareness)
Saying kind and loving things to yourself (self-esteem)
And building a deeper friendship and sense of closeness with yourself (self-connection).
How to Solo Date Successfully
So, how do you make solo dates an incredibly valuable, irresistible, and exciting part of your life?
Well—it all starts with you.
Step 1: Imagine Your Ideal Date (Super fun part)
First, imagine your perfect date. Be unapologetically honest—there's nothing embarrassing or off-limits here. Close your eyes if you need to, and vividly play out this ideal date in your mind. Visualize every detail: Where are you? What activities are you doing? What are you wearing? What do you feel? Allow yourself to fully immerse in this experience.
Step 2: Write and Reflect (Commit to your ideal date by writing it down)
Now, write down your ideal date in detail. Reflect deeply on why this particular date appeals to you. What elements make it so special and memorable? Identify clearly what stood out and why it mattered to you personally. Understanding this helps clarify what experiences genuinely resonate with you, guiding your future solo date choices.
For example, my ideal date takes place on a cozy autumn day, and we're wandering through a charming bookstore. We're exploring shelves filled with stories, occasionally drifting apart as we each get lost in our own worlds, and I giggle when we inevitably bump into each other again. He excitedly shares the titles he finds intriguing, and I share mine. We laugh together at silly, quirky books and exchange wide-eyed glances at outrageous titles. At the end, we pick out one special book to read together—a little treasure to remember the day.
Step 3: Identify Your Top Five Desired Feelings (Identify what you actually want)
Next, clearly identify the top five feelings you want to experience during this ideal date.
(For example, mine are playful, comfort, connected, curious, and joy.)
Step 4: Transform Your Ideal Date into a Solo Date (Time to turn it into action)
Now, adapt your ideal date into something you can genuinely enjoy by yourself.
Next to each feeling, list activities or experiences that naturally evoke that emotion for you. Trust your intuition—there are no wrong answers here. If you're looking for solo date ideas at home, you can create a cozy, indulgent experience by setting up a movie night, journaling about your biggest dreams and goals, or diving into a creative hobby.
(e.g., joy = visiting a dessert café, curiosity = exploring a new museum)
Also, consider small but meaningful ways you can intentionally incorporate your top feelings into your solo date. Think about location (cozy café, bookstore, scenic park), special accessories (a favorite journal, your favorite books, delicious snacks), or thoughtful touches that deepen your experience.
Step 5: Be Fully Present & Enjoy Yourself
When your solo date arrives, remind yourself
You're taking someone special out on a date.
Someone you genuinely like, are deeply curious about, and eager to spend quality time with. Approach yourself the way you'd approach any intriguing date: with openness, warmth, and genuine interest. Notice the little details—what makes you smile, what sparks your curiosity, and what genuinely lights you up.
Allow yourself to fully embrace each feeling you’ve identified. Be playful, laugh, and savor each moment as it comes. Remember, this date is an intentional act of nurturing your relationship with yourself. Take yourself out on a date with the same enthusiasm and care you’d give to someone you love.
Ready to create the ultimate solo date experience? I've created a special gift just for you—a beautifully designed, easy-to-follow one-page guide with essential rules and tips for planning your perfect solo date.
Step 6: Reflect Afterward
Reflecting after your solo date is essential. Taking a few moments to pause and reflect allows you to process and integrate what you've experienced. It helps you become more self-aware, recognize what genuinely brings you joy, and discover more clearly what you desire in future dates (both solo and otherwise).
A genuine reflection helps you nurture a continuous, enriching self-relationship, making each solo date even more enjoyable, meaningful, and something to genuinely look forward to.
Want a little help reflecting on your solo date experience?
I've got you covered with a free, thoughtfully crafted Solo Date Reflection Framework that you can use to assess, celebrate, and grow from each solo date.
[Download Your Free Solo Date Reflection Framework]
Embracing My Own Solo Date Journey
When I first started this journey, I genuinely couldn't stand being alone. Solitude felt overwhelming, lonely, and frightening. But today? My alone time is special—it's something I actively prioritize and cherish. I’m in a relationship and I still make sure to prioritize my alone time.
I truly love being alone now. My solo dates have become treasured rituals, and each week begins with dedicated, intentional time just for me. This shift has transformed my life, helping me cultivate a deeper, stronger relationship with myself—something I'm deeply grateful for.
Here's the beautiful truth: when you treat yourself with kindness, love, and respect, the rest of the world has no choice but to follow your lead.
Yes, this takes time, practice, and commitment. But ask yourself this—if you don't do this for yourself, who will? Take yourself out. Fall in love with yourself through the magic of solo dates.
If you're ready to deepen your relationship with yourself but don’t know where to start, you don’t have to do it alone. Personalized coaching can help you reconnect, build confidence, and create a life where you feel genuinely fulfilled—whether you're navigating heartbreak, a major transition, or simply wanting more joy in your solitude. Set up a 1:1 coaching session with me today and take the first step toward falling in love with your own company.
